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February 23
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First, Book 4 begins today. Hooray!

Second, I'm scrapping the commission idea until I can get my software to work. At this point in time, it... well, it just isn't. Waiting on a reply from tech support, or inspiration for some roundabout solution. Let's just not talk 3D renders in the meantime.

Third, this has been a bad month for me. I've been so stressed lately (due in large part because of depression/anxiety/panic attacks I can't control) that I have lost five pounds over a weekend. Not good. I'm working on recovering the weight and some glimmer of sanity as I write this.

The first step is remembering to eat. I've been up for hours already, and haven't had so much as a cup of tea. I'm not sure which is worse: stress eating or stress fasting. I unfortunately do the latter now, but at least I can say I've got a tentative grasp on some of my other bad habits. I won't say I've kicked the urge to cut, lest I jinx myself and start all over again.

Thank you, my watchers/readers, for giving me something to help combat this unhealthy state of mind. I look forward to hearing from you once I get the latest chapter posted.

For now, I must force myself to eat.
  • Mood: Distressed
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
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:iconnurulkamil:
NurulKamil Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry to hear you've had a bad time. Hope it all gets better. Also, better get something to eat before you collapse :noes:
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:iconcei-ellem:
Cei-Ellem Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, eating half a bag of bourbon chicken now (ate the other half last night) and drinking a glass of Kool-aid. Believe me, this is very frustrating for me. I have part of my degree in psychology, so I understand what's going on in my brain, and how my emotional reactions (or rather, over-reactions) are completely unfounded and irrational. But by the same token, I have absolutely no control over it. It's like my brain gets hijacked by my emotions and sends the rest of me spiraling out of control. Needless to say, I'm in a stable state at the moment, but it's still a constant struggle. February just happened to have a lot of triggers that set off my anxiety.
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:iconnurulkamil:
NurulKamil Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I see. Emotions are a difficult thing to control. It's like you know it's ridiculous to feel a certain way, but you can't help but feel it all the same. In any case, I hope you'll get to have a break from it all soon. :hug:

Psychology sounds cool, though I doubt I'll be studying it anytime soon. By the way ... what's bourbon chicken?
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:iconcei-ellem:
Cei-Ellem Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is why I love Wikipedia.

Yeah, one of the first things you learn in Psych 101 is not to analyze yourself, no matter how tempting. So, I can't really say I have depression, but I can make an educated guess. I have all the characteristics, although mine is, quite specifically, anxiety induced. Combine that with my social phobia (fear of specific social situations; there's a reason Nathan has it too), and things get tricky. How does one who is terrified of calling strangers on the phone find a therapist on her own? I make do with what I can manage. I've already improved to the point where I can at least go shopping alone. I used to be much worse.
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:iconnurulkamil:
NurulKamil Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, well, I had an idea it would be something with bourbon in it.

It's good that you've improved. It must have been pretty tough. Why aren't you supposed to analyze yourself, though?
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:iconcei-ellem:
Cei-Ellem Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
In brief, it's because people tend to be most critical of themselves, and it's far more likely you'll find "symptoms" that aren't there when you analyze yourself.
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:iconnurulkamil:
NurulKamil Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I see. So it's more of a bias-related thing (I'm not sure how to word this). I suppose that's true. Though I used to think one would feel better knowing what's up with them.
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:iconcei-ellem:
Cei-Ellem Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It is a bias sort of thing, and though true, some people feel better knowing what's up with them, it's much better when you hear it from a professional. Hearing from yourself, there's always that nagging feeling that you could be wrong or, possibly worse, missed something vital.
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